


I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-12
Updated: 2003-04-12
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:45:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: A re-write of Gilbert and Sullivan's "I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major General" to be sung by, of course, Constable Benton Fraser.





	I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

  
I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable

## I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable

by The Moo

Author's website: http://www.geocities.com/themoo37

Disclaimer: 

Author's Notes: Thank you kidndly, Lucysmom, for asking The Moo to do this for your birthday.

Story Notes: This one song is part of a longer fic called "Mike's House Easter Benefit Show" which can be seen in the Birthday section of The Moo's site.

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I am the very model of an RCMP constable I'm thrifty, upright, honest, loyal, courteous and responstable. I can recite, when need arises, all the Mountie manual And say how long you'll sleep after you've breathed Quixotimanophyl. 

I can tell you how the Hotel California staff goes shod And give you helpful hints on how to win at the Iditirod When I find any pretzel vendor's daily route no mystery Nor Dawes' or Dr. Prescott's place with Paul Revere in history. 

When tied up in a railway car I know what use a pin is for. And compliment a lady using nothing more than semaphore. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable. 

I know the lat- and longitude that mark the spot of Franklin Bay And if you go to Pluto just how much a pound of nails will weigh. I know about John Franklin's boats the Terror and the Arabus Though I can't sneak up on a sergeant so he's not aware of us. 

I know a flock of Brohmas won't abide an Andallusian pair. And wild cucumber cream heals hands but won't stop you from losin' hair. When I can use a tuning fork to measure solid bank vault walls And I can jump unharmed after a bad guy over waterfalls. 

My post-hypnotic orders make folk pleasant, calm and affable. Though I admit when talking to a woman I'm just laughable. In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable. 

I know that white in your flag stands for innocence and purity And quote back all the speeches of Geronimo with surety. When I can throw with equal skill sun-catchers, eggs and knives and guns And be so like a lady that I fit in with a group of nuns 

When I know what the real name of Armando Languistini is. When I sniff doggie piddle so you'd think I was a genius. Though in the arctic I can bring in any crafty ne'er-do-well My skills don't do me any good below the 60's parallel 

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of an RCMP constable. 

Page 1 of 1 / W C:\MUMMY\DUE SOUTH\BIRTHDAYS\LUCYSMOM G & S.DOC 

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End I Am The Very Model of an RCMP Constable by The Moo:

Author and story notes above.


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